Okay, I know this sounds like a dream, like some weird Luddite fantasy or something, but I woke up this morning and all the electronics started melting. The first thing I picked up was my MP3 player and it instantly collapsed into ribbons. Fat black fronds ran away between my fingers and a strange tingling went up my arm.
I tried to call someone but both phones gave out the same way. The TV went too. Waves of melted television spilled over my shoes as the whole thing dissolved.
I sat and had a think for a while, occasionally going to check up on a household object. Clothes: no. Cutlery: no. Lightbulbs: yes. I was afraid to touch the car; it’s a long walk to anywhere.
Eventually I took a stroll in the woods to clear my head. I couldn’t stop thinking about that tingle — the tingle in my arm. A shiver of excitement. A totally new feeling.
Returning home I took a pair of rubber gloves from the sink and a pair of tongs from the garage and began collecting devices from around the house. The toaster, my laptop, all the radios. Everything I picked up I put in the bath. The juicer, cameras, a pair of curling irons. When it was almost full I took off my clothes and climbed in. You can imagine how it felt. Or rather, you can’t imagine. Unless, of course, this is happening at your house too. Unless it’s happening everywhere.
I’m telling you the truth here. We both know I’m not a Luddite. Why would I fantasise about something like this?